Most people feel that they are basically good, that in spite of their problems, deep down they have real value. Our culture emphasizes feeling good about yourself and labels anything less as a "poor self image," a condition that needs remedy. It is entirely natural for you to like your own ideas better than those of other people and feel that the world would be a better place if more people were like you. That is human nature.
So any suggestion that you need to change something about yourself automatically causes your defenses to go up. It is ironic that, even if you acknowledge a fault in yourself, you defend your right to have that fault if anyone points it out.
Try to be as objective as possible, though, and admit something we all know is true, that you aren't perfect and you need to change.
Every human being has a sinful nature and, regardless of the wide variety of personality types, everyone's sinful nature has a common trait: self-centeredness or pride. "Pride" is the word most people would use, but each of us has a slightly different impression of what the word means. Some people would even deny they have any pride, for example, because they believe the word is synonymous with "arrogance."
On the other hand, people often consider pride to be a valuable attribute. They talk of having pride in your country or family and pride in your accomplishments. They even define a lack of personal pride as low self-esteem or exhibiting a poor self-image. One of the primary definitions of pride is a sense of one's own proper dignity or value; that is, self-respect. Most believe that a person must have a certain amount of pride in himself to be a healthy, balanced person.
If this is the case, how can we say that pride is the worst attribute of your sinful nature? Most people have conflicting ideas about the value of pride. Isn't a certain amount of pride good? This demonstrates the problem with using "pride" to define the fundamental characteristic of your sinful nature.
The term "self-centeredness" may be a little more awkward to use, but it more accurately describes the fundamental trait of the flesh. Self-centeredness is a preoccupation with oneself, and includes such concerns as one's well-being, thoughts, interests, comfort and pleasure.
In reality, self-centeredness is the root of all the problems in the world. Man's sinful nature, his flesh, is in rebellion against God. His natural inclination is to rule his own life, collect treasures for himself, praise his own strength and ability, and trust in his own wisdom. Self-centeredness is so common (everyone has it) and it seems so natural (you've had it all your life) that you may have difficulty seeing it as evil.
Self-centeredness might cause you to have an attitude of independence, so you resent others imposing their will or standards on you. It might cause you to feel disappointed, discouraged or even angry if you don't get what you want, how you want and when you want. Maybe you have difficulty admitting your mistakes, or accepting other people's ideas, or tolerating their quirks. Do you find yourself finding fault with others, especially those in authority? Or maybe you talk about yourself, wanting others to appreciate you, your ideas or achievements. Maybe you simply feel superior to others, or feel they really have nothing worthwhile to teach you. Do you wish I would go on to another topic and stop trying to find fault with you? These are all typical symptoms of self-centeredness. The question is not whether you are self-centered, but how your self-centeredness expresses itself.
Have you ever asked yourself, "Why can't women (or men) be more like men (or women)?" The basic attitude behind that kind of question is that you are okay, and that others should be more like you.
Maybe you're the kind of person who says, "I'll believe it when I see it." This statement reveals that you trust your own judgement, and no one else's; you refuse to accept something until you have evaluated it yourself. That's pride; arrogance.
Are you prejudiced against other racial or ethnic groups? Do you avoid certain groups of people? Again, the attitude is, "I am acceptable. Anyone different from me is not as good as I am or is a threat to me." Prejudice is an expression of self-centeredness.
Imagine that you have a beautiful (or handsome) new suit, and you are wearing it in public for the first time. How do you want people to react? Of course, you want people to notice you and compliment you.
If you are having a serious disagreement with someone, how do you want it resolved? The other person should admit that you are right and apologize to you.
Someone deliberately breaks in line ahead of you at the checkout counter. How do you feel? Why, upset of course.
You have spent lots of time doing something special for someone and they act indifferently toward it. How do you feel? Disappointed or maybe upset. Okay, so you are definitely upset.
Suppose you are talking to a group of people and you mix up some words and say something really stupid. Everybody laughs uncontrollably and you are humiliated! Even if you think it was funny and laugh with them, inside you still feel like kicking yourself for being such an idiot; you are embarrassed.
There is something you want to do, but you know it would displease God, or it's a sin or it's illegal; yet you do it anyway because you want to. By your action you are demonstrating that your self-centered desire is more important to you than any other standard.
These are typical, normal human reactions. These feelings come to all of us and we are surprised that anyone might feel differently, but they are self-centered reactions. Their emphasis is on you, your appearance, your intelligence, your rights, your safety, your comfort, your effort, your honor, yourself. Maybe your reactions are more subtle and you feel you have yourself under control. Do you see that your pride can be sinister enough to make you think you don't have a problem with pride?
Whether you think more highly of yourself than you should or have a "poor self image," the problem is self-centeredness. In either case you are focusing on yourself, in one case on your strengths and in the other case on your weaknesses. Being critical of others, making derogatory remarks or using "put-downs" are expressions of self-centeredness; the worse you make others appear, the better you look or feel about yourself.
Consider what the Bible says about pride. Proverbs 6:16-19 provides a list of seven things that are detestable to God, and the first item in the list is "haughty eyes." "Haughty" means blatantly proud and despising of others; it is advanced self-centeredness.
"The Lord detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished" (Prov 16:5). God has an intense dislike of those who are proud and he guarantees that pride will be punished.
"Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin!" (Prov 21:4). Pride is called the "lamp of the wicked," affecting what they see and how they see it. They believe their own perspective is better than that of other people. They know what is best for them because they figured it out themselves, and of course what they figure out is right.
"Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice" (Prov 13:10). Pride does not take advice, but instead sticks to what it believes is right, even to the point of quarrelling.
"Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar" (Ps 138:6). God's attention is on the lowly, those who have a humble opinion of themselves. On the other hand, God keeps his distance from the proud. We try to avoid being with people who have a disgusting attitude, and so does God.
God does not have a passive attitude toward pride. Instead, he takes strong action against the proud; James 4:6 says he "opposes" them. The Greek word translated "oppose" originally was a military term that referred to aligning your troops against an enemy. How would you like to have God align his forces against you because of your self-centeredness? That's what this verse says he does.
If you like irony, you should appreciate this verse: "When pride comes, then comes disgrace" (Prov 11:2). If only we could realize that pride is self-defeating! We see that self-centeredness was the downfall of Lucifer, Adam and Eve, yet our sinful nature still believes that we can get away with it. "Everyone else might fail, but not me!" Pride stinks. Deep down we are convinced that if we can stay in control, we will eventually succeed. God has seen people motivated by self- centeredness since the beginning of time, and his evaluation is: "When pride comes, then comes disgrace." But our pride refuses to believe that statement applies to us.
Here is one you will recognize: "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall" (Prov 16:18). Your self-centered nature wants you to be the center of attention, to get what you "deserve," to get ahead in life and succeed. But the result invariably, in the long run, is destruction.
This article is a brief excerpt of a book chapter which addresses the following topics: